By and By

Even though I’m here, life still feels like life. What I mean by that is even though I may not have the freedom that’s offered out there, I experience all of life’s emotions as though I do. I still experience ups and downs, self-reflection opportunities, growth, fear, excitement, anger, love, frustration, and patience... I think maybe before I came here, I thought I’d have different emotions, new feelings, and perhaps even have wondered if I’d block out all feelings. What I’ve realized is that emotions are emotions, no matter who you are or where you are. Emotions are something we all experience no matter how high or low the physical or fictional the walls are. There is something very sobering about that.

Indignance is one I’ve been experiencing a lot lately. While I’m the type of person who tends to see the glass half full, I struggle with this more often than I’d like. I’ll never understand why I was placed here, why I was delt the worst hand of everyone involved, or why at times it seems like God cares more about others than me. However, would finding the answers to all of these questions really change anything? What if I’m exactly where I need to be? What if this was God’s plan for me all along? To go through this battle and make me stronger for other life battles in the future… Have you ever wondered the same?

I may have many unknowns, but I know my faith is stronger than it’s ever been. I’m not entirely sure where that strength comes from, especially on the hard days, but it’s there and I feel it. As Chris Stapleton says in Broken Halos:

Don't go looking For the reasons Don't go asking Jesus why? We're not meant to know the answers They belong to the by and by They belong to the by and by

If you’re struggling (like I have), to make sense of something, just know it’s temporary, trust in God, and believe in yourself. Lean on others who have your back. Take it one day at a time. And, before you know it, you’re out of the storm, and have evolved as a stronger and better person than you were before it all started.